Fantasies > Realities
Fantasies > Realities

My favorite song has a terrible beat and a terrible singer. But the lyric, "'Cause I just don't believe we're wicked, I know that we sin but I do believe we try" explains it all.

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Stuck in the 80’s

A year ago we stayed up till 3 am talking
And today I don’t know how to even say hey
(via lulionheart)

(Source: esssence, via saltydreams)

I called my Dad one night shortly after he stopped showing at my house. When a woman answered the phone, I quickly told her I had the wrong number. She said, “Hi Joanna, sorry. I’ll give the phone to your Dad.” My head was spinning and my throat had a frog in it. “Hi Pea, whatsup?” Our conversation didn’t cover who answered the phone. I definitely didn’t want to bring it up, but I thought he was going to. After our small talk, I hung up. I sat there in the dark of my room and my eyes filled with tears.

My Dad married the woman on the phone. She was the woman my Dad cheated on my Mom with. When I met her in person she was beautiful, young and kind. I instantly hated her because she was not my mom. My mom is strong, independent and thoughtful. I remember looking at my Dad long and hard, trying to figure out how he could be such a boy.

When my Dad visits, he greets me with a suffocating hug and a long gaze into my eyes. I’d like to say that we immediately get to talking about my schoolwork and what my plans for the summer were, but after he says hi to me he makes a beeline to my Mom. As my Dad talks to my Mom about politics or an old friend, it’s as if I’m in another room. I start talking about my A’s in History or how the trip to the Philippines went, and my Dad turns to my mom and talks over me about his job and how he got a promotion.

My Mom? She has her hair down with makeup on. She looks at me and smiles at me and keeps grabbing me to kiss and hug me right in front of my Dad. It’s a battle for her. She gives me affection in front of him, dangling me in front of his face to show him how much she loves me, trying to make him jealous. But it doesn’t work.

And it goes like that. It goes like that every time he comes over. He still loves her. He never stopped. We plan to see a movie at 6, he comes at 5:30 and talks to my mom for 20 minutes. My Mom tries to direct the attention on me. But he doesn’t care. He came to see her smile and have her hair down with her makeup on.  Not hear about the grades I have or where I want to go to college.

The only thing that bothers me today is that he doesn’t even bother to pick up the phone. He wasn’t there at any of my skating competitions. He wasn’t there when I went to my Senior Prom. He wasn’t there when I got accepted into 7 schools. I guess I shouldn’t get my hopes up. Because he did cheat on my Mom.